Xmas 2019/Easter 2020

Following custom, below is the actual letter we sent out, followed, in bright pink type, by a rough translation.

Look at your calendar. Is it December? No. Is it November? No. Unless, unknown to most of us, we adopted the Permanent Calendar some time ago, Easter is on the horizon. So why an Easter card and letter? It’s simple, demand creates its own supply, to turn a Keynesian phrase on its head. We found ourselves at the end of 2019 pondering the future and the end of the second decade of the third millennium of the Current Era. What do we do, thought we? Many folks are thinking we are at the end of the decade, when in fact, we are still one year away from it. That is, unless, unknown to us, the Gregorians started with year zero, which we doubt – although they did chant nicely. We think they started with year 1, which means the first decade ended with the year 10. How do you count to 10? Do you have a “zeroth” finger? I don’t. I don’t count my fingers (or toes) from zero to 9. I count from 1 to 10. You probably do too. But then, how many ears do you have? How many nostrils? How many eyes? How many feet, hands, legs, arms? Isn’t it remarkable that we don’t use a binary counting system? Perhaps if we did, we’d all be named HAL.

The simple fact is that we didn’t get a Christmas letter done in time, so we thought about just bagging the idea.

So given all those deeply important questions, you can imagine our confusion at the end of the year, and hence our inability to get a Christmas card out in a timely way. Rochelle had planned to just skip the year, and Richard was OK with that, except the laws of economics intervened. We received 842 Christmas/Holiday cards from others – they remain taped to the walls of our home (and you thought wallpaper had gone out of style). Having sent none out, we began to get questions from friends and family. A few examples from the 666 requests/questions we received: Don’t we count anymore? Don’t you love us? Did you get abducted by aliens? Where is that letter? We want that letter! One particularly persuasive note said, “Send us the letter! We’ll pay you $3,547,192 if you send us a card and letter.” Well, as I said, demand creates supply, and how could we refuse? I’m awaiting payment – you know who you are! The Easter card is just window dressing, cute though we are, if we must say so ourselves. By the way, if you didn’t really want this letter, there is relatively inexpensive disposal available, probably courtesy of your local garbage collector or recycling center if they take cards and letter such as this one. You can also probably put this back in an envelope and write “wrong address” on the envelope and the USPS may return it to us, in which case we may take you off our distribution list, but not if you offer to pay us seven figures.

But then we actually did start getting questions, such as, “What possessed you to save us all the agony this year?” and comments, “Thank you, thank you, for not cluttering our house and minds with your letter." Well, we could not let a challenge like that go unanswered, so here it is. A letter fitting for a holiday. So what if it’s not Xmas. Easter is the bookend holiday, so here’s a card for the other end. Oh, we actually do still have a few Christmas cards taped to our walls, one or two.

So for the update, Rochelle and Richard kept doing the things they typically do. Richard gave 5,347 high fives to strangers in SLC, SXM, SAN, LAX, OAK, BZN, DCA, IAD, JFK, PIH, CDG, ZRH, NAH, Vista and probably more places we didn’t notice. SXM was the most fun, followed closely by Vista. But then there were the slides – they were fun too, and lots of high fives there for sure. Work is work, fun is fun, sometimes both are in play. We live in the same house on the same street in the same town in the same Commonwealth. We go to the same church, the same movies, the same grocery store. We eat pretty much the same food and wear the same clothes and sing the same songs but we occasionally read a new book. So much for that. Richard still loves a parade, the wovely Bwoon Hiwda, lime in a coconut, and Mayo in mambo dog patch banana fact? Kill the wabbits and take care of your chicken.  In Kiev, remember to say thank you rather than please at the end of your speech and if someone asks you to invest in an oil well, say, “What bucket list?”

We had a lot of fun in 2019 and whatever parts of other years I manage to cover here. Richard continued to work most of the time. When not, we traveled a fair amount, and mostly because the grandchildren accompanying him thought it was strange, Richard started giving high 5’s to strangers in airports, amusement parks, on the street, wherever. One of his favorite targets was women of considerable age – even more considerable than his – (and always with Rochelle walking with him of course). It often made them smile that someone would pay attention to them. That is, those in the US or other places that understood it wasn’t a threat. There were a few older women in Germany and Switzerland, and maybe other places, usually walking with a friend or perhaps a daughter (so it appeared), that turned up their noses at Richard’s eager greeting. Most folks, however, after getting the high 5, giggled, smiled and looked around as if to find a hidden camera. He also high 5’s a fair number of teenagers and younger children. You should try it sometime. Work took Richard to Ukraine and upon being invited, Rochelle looked up what is to be seen there and upon finding that Chernobyl is the main attraction, took a pass. Too bad, it was a great country. We went to an Irma-recovering island and had a lot of fun. Still lots of destruction, but not crowded and beautiful, so some of the greatest hiking on the planet, cool sea kayaking, etc. Rochelle was nearly eaten by an iguana; or maybe 3. We spent Xmas week with the family in Southern California, also lots of fun. We went to and fro, visited theme parks and played Settlers muito muito. While there, Richard taught the grandchildren the wonders of opera, Buggs Bunny-style, plus a few other important realities of the Manning culture, as interpreted by him. Rochelle tried to keep things normal. Good luck with that. We did get a phamily photo in, which you can see on the card if you look very carefully. Oh, funny thing, Richard got a cold call from some guy drilling an oil well in Texas. The guy actually thought it would be a good idea for Richard to send him money so he could drill a hole in the ground. What, says Richard? You nuts? Yup, said the guy. OK, bye, said Rich. Funny things people think. You know, we tried to find Richard Nixon’s house on New Years Day. All things considered, we had so much fun that our bucket lists are empty now.

Rachel and family are also doing much the same, except different. Harper kicks and chops, bows and flexes and gets cold on one side of her head. Rachel talks to lots of folks in both formal and informal capacities and puts color on paper with water, and makes dinner and sandwiches. If you want to know what kind, you’ll need to ask her. Shiloh does in the badduns both virtually and otherwise, especially when his bro Jesse is making and executing the plan. When will they move to Mars? Their long-time friend and companion moved on. Sam is a star. He reads and does calculus like an 15 year old. Gus is actually Magnus, but don’t tell him Rochelle isn’t teaching school today. Coen is the youngest, and probably the most eponymous. If you got their Xmas card, you’ll know, if you don’t, you won’t. There’s mud on those hills, and obstacles as well. Cold water anyone?

By now, everything in Montana is known to everyone that wants to know. Except, Rachel and Shiloh still live there. We were going to go see them, but C-19 said no. So we haven’t gone yet this year, but we went plenty in 2019. Rochelle did the customary Grandma trips and Richard joined for part of the time. They still do what they do. The oldest is 10, the youngest is 3. Then there are the middles. If you know them, you probably know a lot. If you don’t, you may wonder, who is Coen? This doesn’t seem much like a Christmas letter. And that’s because it isn’t. Social distancing isn’t such a big deal in Montana. The sky is big enough for everyone to have a piece by him or herself. So all they had to do was cancel school and tell everyone to holler if they need anything.

Arrin and family grow and grow and paint faces. Lucas is the youngest of them all and Jonah likes school particularly well when Rochelle teaches, or when he and Rochelle team teach. Lucas does the pop thing on iPhone and has just enough teeth. And Marcus? Do you need a visa to visit that country? Go ahead and ask him. Do they grow bananas in Japan and the EU? How many do they sell? How many republics? Do you mind the gap? Bean and leaf still in LaBrea? Ask Arrin, or see their card if you get it. Too bad if you don’t. Do you put walnuts in your banana bread? Is Juno a planet? There isn’t a nearby beach unless you go to the bottom of the Baha. Take your kids and run. Or ride a bike. Breathe deeply. Go lots of places with the outlaws and friends.

Arrin and family remain over the hills to the east. It’s beautiful and good weather most of the time, but Walt was south with Mickey and Minnie so they brought them home for Xmas and otherwise. The boys love the mice and all things D. Rochelle goes there, so does Rich. They all have lots of fun, especially when Rochelle sleeps in Harry Potter’s place. The older is now old enough for school if they did that sort of thing these days. But they don’t. Maybe in June. The younger is learning a lot fast. He likes to call Pop on video so he can say “bye” and hang up. Arrin and Marcus are working from home and tag teaming the younger care. I’m sure that’s lots of fun, and exhausting. Arrin is still magaging stuff remotely in Japan and Europe as far as I recall, and Marcus is getting lots of stamps in his passport, I think. Maybe I don’t really know what he does…  

As I didn’t say, Ben is not in California, at least most of the time. I don’t think he sends out cards of any kind, so you just won’t know. He loves a parade, of course. But then he’s his dad’s kid; jokes and ice cream included. There is this thing called the vessel but it holds very little water. Then there is equal night, even more than two. How many cans of soup will you buy next year? What if it is called stew instead? What do a duck and a unicycle have in common? Where is Melba-Louise? Ask him, or send him a letter in Harlem with some new cookware.

And Ben. I once read that everyone should live in Manhattan for some years, but then leave because while you want the experience, you don’t want it to overwhelm you, or to change you permanently. I’m sure that wasn’t written by a real New Yorker – probably someone from Denver, or Chicago. Nevertheless, Ben has settled into Harlem, way north near Broadway. It’s pretty fun, actually, it seems. We went to the Macy’s Parade, standing in the cold for a while while Rich told jokes to the crowd around us. We saw the Alexander show with him, and The Vessel with him and saw some other “new” sights, such as a pizzeria. You know, they have just one special one for Ben. He works for the same company that rates things, and escaped NYC to northern VA to ride out the Corona. He works remotely as many of us do these days.  

Happy Easter, or springtime to you all. Maybe you’ll get a letter next Xmas. Supply and demand, you know.

That’s all folks!

Warmly,

Richard and Rochelle