Xmas letter 2018

The kids are doing this dance these days, called the Floss, or the French Fry, or something like that? Well, you know, they learned it from Kim Jun Un. He never bends his elbows. Or maybe he just makes others not bend theirs. Richard, on the other hand, keeps his elbows bent most of the time. And he flosses regularly, but he can’t do the dance. That proves he’s not a threat to the future of humanity. Don’t go to Mars, there’s no need. There’s plenty of red dirt around here. There’s no one there to raise the kids, if you did, anyway. But then, what about that place where one could be Educated? It’s quite visually striking. But it didn’t seem like the place to go inside. Don’t let the wolf get you; He didn’t. But neither did he jump in the ice water with Vim and vigor – or rigor. Did anyone move to Seoul that we should visit? You are only old once or so. So take the kids to Catan.

So the plan this year was to not write this letter, but Marcus asked Richard how the letter was coming so he decided to give it a try. It happened that he was also, at the time, watching a PBS documentary about North Korea. About the time he started, they showed some traffic officers (young women) directing traffic in the middle of busy (a term for that country that must be taken as relative in context) intersection. The women had very precisely prescribed movements, turning and moving their firmly stiff arms in a way that reminded him some of the Floss dance. That reminded him of a visit some of his niece’s family made to our house in the summer. One of her boys tried to show him how to do the Floss. He tried to figure it out, but no luck. He’s just not  a dancer. He also was reminded of Harper doing the Floss in the background of a recent FaceTime call. So there’s little chance he’ll be directing traffic in Pyongyang any time soon. We did go to the middle east twice, this year, however, and saw lots of red dirt. And the rest is a foreshadowing of the next paragraph, or nonense, as you like. Richard read three, count them, three non work-related books this year. That’s unusual. First was Educated, which he thought was fascinating. So much so that on a solo trip to the west to visit Rachel’s family, he drove to Clifton, Idaho to find Butterfly Essential Oils. Quite a place, actually. Maybe next time he’ll go in and buy some oil, but having been muscle tested later in the trip, he thinks he should take such things slowly. He also read a book about Yellowstone’s wolves and Vim Hoff’s unusual approach to healthy living. Both books xmas gifts of his brother. Interesting, and fun, but he’s not a convert. Then on the book theme, Rochelle gave him Dr. Seuss’ You’re Only Old Once for his birthday. How nice. And we played Settlers with the family several times this year. Richard won a few, so did Rochelle, so did everyone else. I guess that means we played a lot. Now really, do you want to know all this detail? I don’t imagine so.

It’s good he passed the test. But he did have a duck with handlebars when he was young. That’s why he asked so many people about it this year. As far as he can tell, not many people in Egypt do the Fry or the floss. Most bend their elbows. But then there’s the Old City, and the new one with all that really tall and new and big stuff. Quite a thing, the highest toilet in the world. The land was a lot greener before it became dry. But wow, it was way up there, and then way down. Where is Sea Level anyway? No English, please. Go Lan. Go Lan. Too bad it was so foggy. The rest of the time we did stuff the same way we typically do. Except for that time we went to Indiana? Res ipsa loquitor. Favorite: http://ironhorsebluegrass.com/2014/01/rocket-man-video/

Who knows what test he was talking about? He doesn’t. There’s an old “Dad joke” about ducks and handlebars. If you haven’t heard it, google it. As above, we went to Dubai on a business trip for Richard and made a side trip to Cairo in the process. That was interesting. Short trip, long story; lots of people there. Reconnected with some friends living in the UAE. Saw the sights, did the things one does. One of our friends had been in the Burj Kalifa and told us of visiting the highest bathroom in the world. No details, thankfully. We later went to Israel and Jordan on a vacation trip to see the sights and visit Richard’s cousin who was on diplomatic assignment in Tel Aviv. That family has since been assigned to S. Korea, so that’s what that meant. While there, we were surprised in Old City Jerusalem when some old high school friends accosted us outside the pools of Bethesda. We weren’t hurt, thankfully. We rented a car and drove the whole length of Israel, from the Golan Heights (later we looked at a map and it looked like we had been about 15 miles from ISIS controlled land in Syria – maybe we are wrong about that – but it was too foggy to  really see much of anything) down to Elat where we crossed over into Jordan and had someone take us up to Petra for a couple of days. Once again, all this detail… Oh, one more thing, we went to the BYU @ Wisconsin football game – who really knows where Wisconsin is anyway – that was an interesting cultural experience. And don’t you like a little bluegrass to break things up? And the kids generously bought Richard great tickets for the US Open Tennis Tournament. Roch and Rich had lots of fun that weekend in NYC.

Where is Rochelle? She didn’t get lost. She has very bendy elbows. She still sings, though, even when her elbows are straight. But what about her feet? They don’t bend much; especially her toes. Who was that lady that made such a mess in New Bern? Dr. Pepper or Pepsi? We didn’t see her, actually. But pink. Kimchee. Ride the bike. Rice pudding. Maybe we’ll see. The little boys still love to have her come to visit, and to sing and dance both locally and far distant. In Bozeman and California, north and south. The girl too. But not New Mexico. Old shirt, New Jersey. But that’s actually Ben’s story.

As for Rochelle, she does what she does. All the grandchildren love her, but so do the local school kids. She still goes to the local schools on occasion and sings and dances and does bird calls. She’s many of their favorite subs. We also went to NC to help clean up post-Florence. That was good to do. She helped all the kids and grandkids with trips to visit, including Ben when he moved to NJ to start his job post graduation from BYU. Oh, and Rochelle won both the pie contest and took second place in the chili cookoff at the Ward Halloween Party. Someone asked Richard, ex post, how he avoids being round. He said, she doesn't cook at home. : )

Rachel and Shiloh, Harper, Sam, Gus, Coen. Happy birthday, and GOOD BYEEEE! How many times can you catch and throw a football without dropping it? What about a potato? If it’s mashed? The girl can dance and use the bow. The Boys can trot. Like chickens. All funny and entertaining if exhausting. You’ll have to ask them for the real news. Sweden might as well be on Mars; in fact it’s cold as (ask Elton, or Iron Horse). Spring has sprung, fall has fell, winter’s here and… Catan?

Rachel and fam also did what they do in Montana; they also played Settlers. Do Montanan’s do that? Do they like being landlords? Attie, the dog, became old, as dogs do, and was put to sleep; sad, but a timely departure. We all got together at Arrin’s in the bay area for TG. Rochelle arranged kid’s Turkey Trot shirts that the boys thought looked like chickens. Funny. Gus won the birthday wish trophy for Richard with a very enthusiastic Facetime request. He’s funny; perhaps less the “destroyer of things” as he was, but still an interesting mix of energy and impulse response. Richard, on his solo trip west, set a world record with the kids tossing a football 2 million times without dropping it Harper was the star of that, and is the star Viola player and dancer. She also ponders the realities of getting “old.” Sam doesn’t like mashed potatoes, it seems, but he is a master Lego builder and an amazing reader; also a very nice boy who hopes to be a master golfer. Coen is cute, with an infectious smile, trying hard to talk and be part of the Montana boys gang; he’s fun and funny. The family didn’t move to Sweden, but it’s cold enough in Bozeman, and actually has more hours of sun in the winter, fewer in the Summer. Thank some ancient astronomical event for that, probably.

Arrin, Marcus, Jonah and…. Born down south…Lucas. He’s #6. Funny and smiling and jumping endlessly. Easy to hold. That’s a change. When Marcus was done, they were all gone. Jonah is one more than Gus, and that’s a story. More news at the auto parts store – they are California Millennials you know. What happens when the smog clears in SoCal? UCLA, but she goes back from time to time to finish the tea. Where do the leaves come from? Catan.

Yep, Arrin and fam moved from LA to the bay area. LA had actually started to grow on them, and us. They lived across the street from the LDS Temple in LA, and had become friends with a high-school acquaintance of ours who had moved to LA long ago. You don’t see houses like that in Pocatello. Quite a good neighborhood and the weather was rarely cold enough to freeze your shoes to your feet. When Marcus finished his MBA at that school in Westwood, his job took him back to SF and the family back north to the small river where they have the nuts to make Christmas bread. Now they own a house, and a car with a very long tail pipe, and do some (how many?) of the things one does when one is a Millennial and a Californian. They played Settlers. Jonah is a genius, just like his grandmother. He remembers everything that is said to him (maybe not actually) and can say the ABC’s upside down, and is a non-stop thinker and question asker. He sleeps sometimes. Lucas Christopher Barton (a touching name) was born in May. He’s much quieter, calmer and sleeps better than his older brother did at his age, but he will also jump almost endlessly in his jumper. We look forward to the ongoing adventures. Juno? Where does she live, really? Is she the favorite?

Ben, as we said. Where’s Parsippany? Is it a place or a state of being? Does he use R or some proprietary package? Obviously, he can’t say. But can he dance, or floss? He can comb and trim, and sometimes climb and hike. O Canada. Where art thou? He really needs a new shirt. Can you buy him one? That spoiler is really cool; you’ll have to trust me. The guys and the dog really dig it a little closer to Catan, but they, too, wonder what, or where, or when, is Parsippany?

Post BYU graduation (last December) Ben began working for a worldwide marketing consulting firm with offices around the world. He was assigned to work in Parsippany, NJ. His work involves statistical analysis of new business opportunities (confidential, of course). Parsippany is the most beautiful row in the Garden; not. But not really terrible. Just not much going on there other than work. After living solo in an apartment near work for a few months, he decided recently to move to a town a bit closer to NYC with roommates and a dog. A good move. Easier to have a life. He still does some photography on the side, but who knows how much longer he can make that work while he also holds down the real job. Good to have a hobby, and good to conscript him occasionally to take a family photo. He went on a summer hiking trip with friends to SW Canada; beautiful photos. Fun, no doubt. He played Settlers.

We wish everyone a happy Christmas and a peaceful and joyous new year.