Last year, someone told Richard that the letter was quite transparent. This year’s letter was the response. Approximate translation in italics follows each paragraph of the original letter. If you received it in the mail, you can skip those paragraphs.
2007. I wonder why the moon isn’t shining, he said wistfully; Rochelle landed a punch to his mid section and that was it. He was a goner. Richard, that is; he needed better nun chuck skills. Didn’t he write the great American novel? How did he spell his middle name anyway? If it is true life begins at 40, why was his so short? It was a big funeral wasn’t it? There were a lot of curiosity seekers that came to see if he was really dead or just trying to make trouble – proving him right. And probably like a bad soap opera he will rise from the dead so don’t bury the boy yet… Aren’t we tired of this? Somebody should put a stop to it – maybe that’s why the job is still the same. He didn’t leave the kids alone in the car, and he wasn’t arrested.
Richard had a milestone birthday, two score and a half. Wow. What does AARP mean? Rochelle bought him a Wii on Ebay to celebrate and proceeded to knock him down in a boxing match with several virtual body blows. Then she had to answer the phone so he prevailed. The rest of the above is rambling, including a reference to a favorite poem from teenage years, to suggest it is finally dawning on him that this cryptographic Christmas letter stuff is really getting kind of old, and maybe it is time to move on. At least it resonated with one reader last year who admitted to a parenting faux pas in a like minded effort. He still works at the largest pharmaceutical company in NYC.
Rochelle, having slept in and missed the train, had to stand up part of the way. Maybe it was Richard’s fault because he was mostly dead already and couldn’t understand the guy on the phone. Roaming, they got kicked out of the restaurant, but they went back. There were a lot of naked facsimiles, men and women they were, and quite old in fact though not in form; a few, one male in particular, quite tall. It all affects how you feel about things after a while, especially being short. The moon did shine before it was all done, and a lovely sunset from a tower, but no purse to be found. The onion fields need weeding, so she weeds. The phone rings, so she answers. The email comes, so she spams. The moss would gather, so she rolls. She wonders, mainly, where the rain really falls. Let’s find out. Maybe they have good spaghetti there!
Rochelle accompanied Richard on a business trip to Rome that they extended by a few days to do some sight seeing. One day they took the train to Florence, but because of a sleep-deprived conversation with the hotel concierge, they missed their morning train and had to take standing room tickets. Eventually they were able to sit in the dining car, but only after having been kicked out once. They spent a lot of time in museums, climbed Giotto’s tower at beautiful Tuscan sunset, did a very little shopping and saw their share of ruins. And there were, of course, lots classical pieces of art to see. The whole scene does make an impression. Rochelle remains very busy as a Relief Society (our church’s women’s organization) President, doing all kinds of things to help people, talking extensively on the phone and sending endless streams of email. The family is going to southern Spain at Christmas, we hope we like the food better there than we did in Rome (remember, we’re from Idaho).
Rachel is not a spy, although she was a temporary spud, but not as much one as Shiloh, who is reaching the heights of spudliness. For a brief time she wrestled a big toad, or perhaps the creature from the dark lagoon. Either way, it ran, thank goodness – after a swift and solid kick. It doesn’t seem like she needs nun chucks. Rachel in the news, in the office, working on the train, answering questions Today. What does LOTUS stand for? Who needs Katie Curic? Shiloh is not going to be a super geek squader after all, although his days of spudliness soon come to an end in a floppy hat – congratulations! – and he will be lonely and crying sometimes while he gets all the Napoleon skills there are. Then he will find out about Howard Nelson and all those other guys. Shortly thereafter he’ll be asking lots of questions. He really knows how to sit up, and push, and run, and sprint. Nobody asked him to leap. It is good to live in a fully integrated household.
Rachel and Shiloh lived the first part of the year in Idaho while Shiloh finished a graduate program at Idaho State University in information security. They moved to the Washington, DC area in the summer where Shiloh worked for a government agency and Rachel landed a job at APCO Worldwide, a public relations firm in the District. When September came, Shiloh returned to the Great Potato (note, there is no “e” on the end of that) to finish school, graduating in December, and as I write this, is in the process of driving back to DC to join Rachel, and to begin a career. He has demonstrated extraordinary talents and abilities will be very successful. While Shiloh was away, Rachel lived with Rochelle’s sister and had several interesting and one tragic experience. She had a brief interview that ran on the Today show while sitting in the Lotus lounge with a friend, some of the projects she worked on at work were profiled in the NY Times and Washington Post, and she was tragically attacked on a walk from the train station to her home. Fortunately, she fought back and kicked well and her attacker ran away doing little damage. I don’t mean to trivialize the event with levity, because it was very serious, but Rachel should be proud of having handled herself so well and for being brave enough to return to work and normal life so quickly. Some time after his return, Shiloh will spend an extended time in training for his new job, after which we’re not certain where they will end up. It looks like we get to care for the dog while they are in transition.
Christopher went on a date with the GEICO thing, and is pretty hard to see at night (or when short blonde women don’t look behind them). After close investigation he concluded that one in 500 is worse than one in three – far worse. He tired of the loud music and the sky-high prices so he learned to say kimchee and the like, and opted for only moderately high prices. Where does he really live? And he brought along a few friends. The black shower curtain kind of goes with the wheels. Don’t bother me, I’m just the piano player, no matter where I live. What’s for dinner? Don’t you look at my girlfriend! It looks like he can still sprint if he tries and push and pull, too. That’s a relief. What’s up doc? His name is not Eli.
Chris graduated from USU last December and is living with us. He tried a number of different things just after graduation, including event planning and modeling. He learned at one casing call that there were 500 people who looked just like him trying to get a modeling gig so decided the odds of that succeeding weren’t all that great. Instead, he took a job in the management training program at Abercrombie and Fitch. It was a good place to start but after a few months, a new store just coming in to the US from Korea (kimchee!) offered him a job as a manager for them. The store is Who A U, and is kind of like Abercrombie, although a little more sedate on the music side, etc. Some of his colleagues at Abercrombie followed him to WAU. He doesn’t appear to have a steady girlfriend, but then I might not know, and he bought a black Audi, which someone in our family proceeded to back into in our driveway one day. He had Geico insurance for a little while, but then learned they were more expensive than the good hands people. He is beginning to be able to exercise without re-injuring his shoulder which was repaired surgically a couple of years ago.
Arrin, secret boss lady. Where will she be? She certainly isn’t there yet, …but you can’t tell them much. How tall is that girl over there? 11 feet. Isn’t it great to remember the Wallsatch, and the PTA couch? And the fun of being a frequent Village People type, let’s not forget that. What is a cougar eat and why do they? How do you spell Rensselaer? Who are Carnegie and what is a Mellon? Is it going to be fun? Will there be a car there? You know what they say, you can always tell a Senior. but… Maybe we really will go to the Olympics after all. Who needs a history when you have a future? Even if you can get AP credit with a nice present? Her hat will be red, in shape, square on top. Floppy someday if she can make it to Head of the Fountain.
Arrin is a senior in high school and will graduate in a red gown with a mortarboard hat. She is captain of the track team, though it wasn’t public knowledge when I first wrote the letter, hence the secret boss. She is deciding where to go to college. She would like to continue pole-vaulting in college and has attracted attention from several local schools. Her goal is 11 feet this year, which she understands would be good enough for her to earn a spot on BYU’s track team. She also wants to be an architect and has visited Carnegie Mellon and Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute and met their track teams and coaches. Vaulting for those schools would be less competitive. She has been admitted to BYU and my guess is that that’s where she will go, but of course, she has her own opinions. Besides, I told her how much less it costs to go to BYU and offered to refund to her any scholarship money she earns. One might ask why I didn’t offer her the difference between tuition at BYU and RPI. My answer would be that I believe in incentives, but not stupidity. If she becomes an architect (did you read The Fountainhead?) she will have to go to graduate school to get the degree (floppy hat). She is taking a rigorous AP European History class so she can be ready for Jeopardy.
Ben, Peyton’s cousin, not Eli’s, didn’t spy much and didn’t sack. Broken bones make sticks and stones for sure, er, shizzle. He’s certainly not behind the times despite the ligaments, the capsules, the labrum and don’t forget the hole. Why did he hit that guy like that anyway after five minutes? Will he be dancing? With the stars? Whose Jersey is that really? Is it New? Did he punt a lot while away? No. Now, there is a Village People trying to get out. Hopefully after a few months, the People will be back in full form. How about that walk and… We really hope he doesn’t fall down, or that if so, he has the good sense to roll. That’s why he can’t carry the big stick, but he does still speak softly, Ted. Trigonometry is dessert, history, midnight snack.
Ben likes football still, despite having a serious shoulder injury five minutes into his first game this year. He was playing fullback for the first time (transferring from defensive end) and while blocking for a tailback he tore ligaments, broke a capsule and tore his labrum. Now if you know what I’m talking about, you’re ahead of me. Let’s just say I believe in specialization of labor. He was operated on by the surgeon that treats many of the NY Giants and going to his first appointment, a jersey with the name Manning was hanging on the wall behind the receptionist. She asked if he was related, but said no. He is now in rehab and just starting to go to the YMCA nearby to work out (Village People), and he is running track for the first time. The doctor said that would be ok as long as he doesn’t fall down and re-injure his shoulder. This summer he trained with Arrin with a famous pole-vault coach and he wanted to join his sister as a pole-vaulter on the high school team this year, but the shoulder won’t allow that. He works hard in school and often stays up late doing homework because he is texting a lot of the time otherwise. He isn’t quite as tall as his dad, yet, but he can run faster.
That’s it. Wasn’t it dull?
2007. I wonder why the moon isn’t shining, he said wistfully; Rochelle landed a punch to his mid section and that was it. He was a goner. Richard, that is; he needed better nun chuck skills. Didn’t he write the great American novel? How did he spell his middle name anyway? If it is true life begins at 40, why was his so short? It was a big funeral wasn’t it? There were a lot of curiosity seekers that came to see if he was really dead or just trying to make trouble – proving him right. And probably like a bad soap opera he will rise from the dead so don’t bury the boy yet… Aren’t we tired of this? Somebody should put a stop to it – maybe that’s why the job is still the same. He didn’t leave the kids alone in the car, and he wasn’t arrested.
Richard had a milestone birthday, two score and a half. Wow. What does AARP mean? Rochelle bought him a Wii on Ebay to celebrate and proceeded to knock him down in a boxing match with several virtual body blows. Then she had to answer the phone so he prevailed. The rest of the above is rambling, including a reference to a favorite poem from teenage years, to suggest it is finally dawning on him that this cryptographic Christmas letter stuff is really getting kind of old, and maybe it is time to move on. At least it resonated with one reader last year who admitted to a parenting faux pas in a like minded effort. He still works at the largest pharmaceutical company in NYC.
Rochelle, having slept in and missed the train, had to stand up part of the way. Maybe it was Richard’s fault because he was mostly dead already and couldn’t understand the guy on the phone. Roaming, they got kicked out of the restaurant, but they went back. There were a lot of naked facsimiles, men and women they were, and quite old in fact though not in form; a few, one male in particular, quite tall. It all affects how you feel about things after a while, especially being short. The moon did shine before it was all done, and a lovely sunset from a tower, but no purse to be found. The onion fields need weeding, so she weeds. The phone rings, so she answers. The email comes, so she spams. The moss would gather, so she rolls. She wonders, mainly, where the rain really falls. Let’s find out. Maybe they have good spaghetti there!
Rochelle accompanied Richard on a business trip to Rome that they extended by a few days to do some sight seeing. One day they took the train to Florence, but because of a sleep-deprived conversation with the hotel concierge, they missed their morning train and had to take standing room tickets. Eventually they were able to sit in the dining car, but only after having been kicked out once. They spent a lot of time in museums, climbed Giotto’s tower at beautiful Tuscan sunset, did a very little shopping and saw their share of ruins. And there were, of course, lots classical pieces of art to see. The whole scene does make an impression. Rochelle remains very busy as a Relief Society (our church’s women’s organization) President, doing all kinds of things to help people, talking extensively on the phone and sending endless streams of email. The family is going to southern Spain at Christmas, we hope we like the food better there than we did in Rome (remember, we’re from Idaho).
Rachel is not a spy, although she was a temporary spud, but not as much one as Shiloh, who is reaching the heights of spudliness. For a brief time she wrestled a big toad, or perhaps the creature from the dark lagoon. Either way, it ran, thank goodness – after a swift and solid kick. It doesn’t seem like she needs nun chucks. Rachel in the news, in the office, working on the train, answering questions Today. What does LOTUS stand for? Who needs Katie Curic? Shiloh is not going to be a super geek squader after all, although his days of spudliness soon come to an end in a floppy hat – congratulations! – and he will be lonely and crying sometimes while he gets all the Napoleon skills there are. Then he will find out about Howard Nelson and all those other guys. Shortly thereafter he’ll be asking lots of questions. He really knows how to sit up, and push, and run, and sprint. Nobody asked him to leap. It is good to live in a fully integrated household.
Rachel and Shiloh lived the first part of the year in Idaho while Shiloh finished a graduate program at Idaho State University in information security. They moved to the Washington, DC area in the summer where Shiloh worked for a government agency and Rachel landed a job at APCO Worldwide, a public relations firm in the District. When September came, Shiloh returned to the Great Potato (note, there is no “e” on the end of that) to finish school, graduating in December, and as I write this, is in the process of driving back to DC to join Rachel, and to begin a career. He has demonstrated extraordinary talents and abilities will be very successful. While Shiloh was away, Rachel lived with Rochelle’s sister and had several interesting and one tragic experience. She had a brief interview that ran on the Today show while sitting in the Lotus lounge with a friend, some of the projects she worked on at work were profiled in the NY Times and Washington Post, and she was tragically attacked on a walk from the train station to her home. Fortunately, she fought back and kicked well and her attacker ran away doing little damage. I don’t mean to trivialize the event with levity, because it was very serious, but Rachel should be proud of having handled herself so well and for being brave enough to return to work and normal life so quickly. Some time after his return, Shiloh will spend an extended time in training for his new job, after which we’re not certain where they will end up. It looks like we get to care for the dog while they are in transition.
Christopher went on a date with the GEICO thing, and is pretty hard to see at night (or when short blonde women don’t look behind them). After close investigation he concluded that one in 500 is worse than one in three – far worse. He tired of the loud music and the sky-high prices so he learned to say kimchee and the like, and opted for only moderately high prices. Where does he really live? And he brought along a few friends. The black shower curtain kind of goes with the wheels. Don’t bother me, I’m just the piano player, no matter where I live. What’s for dinner? Don’t you look at my girlfriend! It looks like he can still sprint if he tries and push and pull, too. That’s a relief. What’s up doc? His name is not Eli.
Chris graduated from USU last December and is living with us. He tried a number of different things just after graduation, including event planning and modeling. He learned at one casing call that there were 500 people who looked just like him trying to get a modeling gig so decided the odds of that succeeding weren’t all that great. Instead, he took a job in the management training program at Abercrombie and Fitch. It was a good place to start but after a few months, a new store just coming in to the US from Korea (kimchee!) offered him a job as a manager for them. The store is Who A U, and is kind of like Abercrombie, although a little more sedate on the music side, etc. Some of his colleagues at Abercrombie followed him to WAU. He doesn’t appear to have a steady girlfriend, but then I might not know, and he bought a black Audi, which someone in our family proceeded to back into in our driveway one day. He had Geico insurance for a little while, but then learned they were more expensive than the good hands people. He is beginning to be able to exercise without re-injuring his shoulder which was repaired surgically a couple of years ago.
Arrin, secret boss lady. Where will she be? She certainly isn’t there yet, …but you can’t tell them much. How tall is that girl over there? 11 feet. Isn’t it great to remember the Wallsatch, and the PTA couch? And the fun of being a frequent Village People type, let’s not forget that. What is a cougar eat and why do they? How do you spell Rensselaer? Who are Carnegie and what is a Mellon? Is it going to be fun? Will there be a car there? You know what they say, you can always tell a Senior. but… Maybe we really will go to the Olympics after all. Who needs a history when you have a future? Even if you can get AP credit with a nice present? Her hat will be red, in shape, square on top. Floppy someday if she can make it to Head of the Fountain.
Arrin is a senior in high school and will graduate in a red gown with a mortarboard hat. She is captain of the track team, though it wasn’t public knowledge when I first wrote the letter, hence the secret boss. She is deciding where to go to college. She would like to continue pole-vaulting in college and has attracted attention from several local schools. Her goal is 11 feet this year, which she understands would be good enough for her to earn a spot on BYU’s track team. She also wants to be an architect and has visited Carnegie Mellon and Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute and met their track teams and coaches. Vaulting for those schools would be less competitive. She has been admitted to BYU and my guess is that that’s where she will go, but of course, she has her own opinions. Besides, I told her how much less it costs to go to BYU and offered to refund to her any scholarship money she earns. One might ask why I didn’t offer her the difference between tuition at BYU and RPI. My answer would be that I believe in incentives, but not stupidity. If she becomes an architect (did you read The Fountainhead?) she will have to go to graduate school to get the degree (floppy hat). She is taking a rigorous AP European History class so she can be ready for Jeopardy.
Ben, Peyton’s cousin, not Eli’s, didn’t spy much and didn’t sack. Broken bones make sticks and stones for sure, er, shizzle. He’s certainly not behind the times despite the ligaments, the capsules, the labrum and don’t forget the hole. Why did he hit that guy like that anyway after five minutes? Will he be dancing? With the stars? Whose Jersey is that really? Is it New? Did he punt a lot while away? No. Now, there is a Village People trying to get out. Hopefully after a few months, the People will be back in full form. How about that walk and… We really hope he doesn’t fall down, or that if so, he has the good sense to roll. That’s why he can’t carry the big stick, but he does still speak softly, Ted. Trigonometry is dessert, history, midnight snack.
Ben likes football still, despite having a serious shoulder injury five minutes into his first game this year. He was playing fullback for the first time (transferring from defensive end) and while blocking for a tailback he tore ligaments, broke a capsule and tore his labrum. Now if you know what I’m talking about, you’re ahead of me. Let’s just say I believe in specialization of labor. He was operated on by the surgeon that treats many of the NY Giants and going to his first appointment, a jersey with the name Manning was hanging on the wall behind the receptionist. She asked if he was related, but said no. He is now in rehab and just starting to go to the YMCA nearby to work out (Village People), and he is running track for the first time. The doctor said that would be ok as long as he doesn’t fall down and re-injure his shoulder. This summer he trained with Arrin with a famous pole-vault coach and he wanted to join his sister as a pole-vaulter on the high school team this year, but the shoulder won’t allow that. He works hard in school and often stays up late doing homework because he is texting a lot of the time otherwise. He isn’t quite as tall as his dad, yet, but he can run faster.
That’s it. Wasn’t it dull?
